Cheap ‘drugs’ that work

Cable TV is s-o-o-o last decade. And those few who still watch – as I do – know that only two kinds of advertising sustain the cable monopolies.

Silly insurance ads.

And sappy prescription drug ads, with gauzy images and cheerful voices listing grim side effects. Drug ads are our focus today.

The Gauger household conducted a rigorous study. We counted drugs advertised over one week.

Seventeen.

Here they are, as proof to ease our study through scientific peer review: Rexulti. Nervive. Entyvio. Jardiance. Tremfya. Entresto. Xiaflex. Xiidra. Dupixent. Farxiga. Linzess. Zeposia. Trulicity. Ingrezza. Ocrevus. Kisqali. And Breztri.

We s’pose these drugs work, despite the side effects. But the pharmaceutical barons have missed some obvious everyday therapeutics, which we’ve now thoughtfully named.

Feeling stressed? Try Gintonix, a mixture of gin and tonic water. May lessen mental acuity.

Feeling tired? Sleep in with Snuuzlaatr. Will delay completion of daily chores.

Feeling tight? Get the healing touch of BaakrubR_x. Can be highly addictive.

These “drugs” work, guaranteed. And unlike that cable-TV gang with phony marketing names, ours are cheap.

Try them. Feel better. Enjoy.