Science is good. We need it to fight pandemics and explore existential mysteries. Go science!
But it sure can suck the joy out of coffee.
I refer, of course, to the article published Tuesday in the journal Molecular Psychiatry titled “Habitual coffee drinkers display a distinct pattern of brain functional connectivity.”
I read all 4,418 words so you don’t have to.
That’s false. I skimmed it. I understood little, and I couldn’t find any juicy bits.
The authors compared 31 coffee drinkers with 24 non-coffee drinkers using MRI’s conducted before and after the subjects consumed a cup of java.
You’ll be gladdened to learn that the authors then ran the results through independent component analysis, static functional connectomics analysis and dynamic functional analysis.
Their conclusion? Caffeine prompts stress responses in the brain that, in turn, cause more efficient neuro activity.
At least I think so. My translation from academic scientese into English may be no better than my bumbling collegiate rendering of a chapter of “The Aeneid” from Latin.
Still, I’m sticking with this: My coffee-addled brain is more efficient.
