BREAKING NEWS!!! Forests have leaves, including dead leaves, even heaping mounds of dead leaves. And dry pine needles and fallen branches.
Thank you, President Yogi Bear, for alerting us – back in 2018 and again Monday.
Pity California, Oregon and Washington, where fires rage. Thousands have lost homes. Dozens have died.
Yogi Bear (Smokey Bear’s job was taken) blames layabouts in the burning states. They didn’t rake. Climate change? Piffle, sniffle. Scientists who study global warming don’t know piddly, sniddly. Less than diddly squat.
Now that we’ve discovered the leaves, we have a solution.
The U.S. has about 188 million acres of forest and 330 million people. Do the math. Only a tad over half an acre for every American patriot to rake.
Oops. Children under 11 and folks 70 and older shouldn’t rake. That wouldn’t be right.
Make it three-quarters of an acre.
Oops again. If you’ve ever been or had a teenager, then you know that getting one to rake is harder than raking it all yourself.
No problem!
Just nine-tenths of an acre each.
Bring your own rake.
