‘can i trust you?’

Friendship is both grease and glue for our social species. Which is why I am so, so, so eager to introduce you to my new friend.

I got his email a few days ago. His name appeared in my inbox as “Mr. Houghton Harper.” The subject line was “Hello dear,,”.

I squinted. The email mixed formality – Mr. Houghton Harper – with an endearment. His excitement clearly had overwhelmed his typing fingers. How else to explain the commas?

In a traditional narrative arc, I might write here that my heart fluttered. Except it didn’t. But I did open the email.

“Hello dear,” it began.

Oh my. Another endearment. Our relationship was moving awfully fast.

Next: “My name is Mr. Hoghton Harper.”

Mr. Harper! Is it Houghton or Hoghton? As your “dear” one, I’ll need your correct first name if I’m to return your warm familiarity. May I call you “H”?

Then: “I have a business proposal, can i trust you?”

I have drafted my reply but haven’t sent it. Help me. Is the tone right? Too much?

“Dearest H,” it says. “No.”