Like every college student ever, I might have exploited my new freedom to be stupid. I say “might have” because all scoundrels retreat to plausible deniability.
I “might have” planted my face onto a slice of bread smeared with peanut butter to win a $5 bet.
I “might have” thrown oranges from a third-floor dorm window with the goal of striking a human target.
I “might have” gotten blotto – once or often. Tequila shots, anyone?
But memories can’t be trusted. Especially under interrogation. Could be, might be, maybe.
I dunno!
Then there’s the Case of the Missing Milk Crate. It unfortunately won’t yield to plausible deniability.
Because the evidence remains.
In Stupid’s house.
Still today.
Details are hazy. Really! But Stupid remembers walking with friends after dark past the student union’s loading dock. And there, exuding rude allure, were empty milk crates – blue, sturdy and plastic. White lettering on each declared “PROPERTY OF FLETT DAIRY.”
So Stupid swiped one.
In the years since, it’s served as a junk box and stool.
Stupid sometimes gets lucky. Flett Dairy folded in 1994.
High crimes and misdemeanors! Fie on you, Jeff! Confession: I have two red plastic Coke trays. Come in very handy!
We could get together for mixed drinks. Coke and milk.