The sporting event formerly known as the Super Bowl is nigh. This year’s football championship game, the 58th in Earth’s 4.5 billion-year history, is now better called the Swifty Bowl, and only the comatose don’t know why.
On the chance you awoke only this morning, the name invokes a Hallmark Channel-esque romance between a rich boy and a really, really, really rich girl.
We’ve all gone gaga for the lovebirds. I’m OK with that. They’re sweet.
And a welcome detour from what, in a normal year, dominates non-football obsessions about the event in the weeks before kickoff: how to make guacamole and nachos for your game party.
What, you can’t romance like Travis and Taylor? No worries. You can still make the best guac ever!
There’s worse, courtesy of Bookies.com. The cheapest tickets to attend the Swifty Bowl cost north of $9,500. Each. For nosebleed seats.
And worse still. A 16-ounce beer at the game? Expect to pay $20.
For a single, simple hot dog, you’ll pay $12.75.
It’s OK to retch.
So, new name. The Swiftly Go Broke Bowl.
30-Second Read does sports
Oddballs in the season of madness
