The diplomats at 30-Second Read have solved the latest international chuckle – that fluff over what to call the body of water we’ve all known for more than 500 years as the Gulf of Mexico.

The U.S. president-elect, who proposed calling it the Gulf of America, may object.

But we think not, because our solution involves money and making deals. And if we know anything about the new/old guy, it’s that he likes money and deals.

Our plan: sell naming rights to a corporate sponsor.

Gulf of Tesla?

Gulf of Facebook and Instagram?

Gulf of Any (Other) Corporate Suck-up?

There you go, thinking “how dumb.” But silly things have happened before in the Gulf, like Sharpie weather forecasts.

Here’s the nitty-gritty.

First, sell naming rights for $1,000,000,000,000,000,000 (a quintillion) per year.

Then, distribute the money proportionally to the three countries with significant Gulf shoreline. Follow our math: Mexico, with 1,743 miles along the Gulf, nabs 46%. The U.S., with 1,700 miles, gets 44%. And little Cuba, with 300 miles, collects 7%.

We’ve reserved 3% – as a well-earned commission for 30-Second Read.

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