Old Man Primer

There are traits shared by most older men you should know. Word count prevents authoritative analysis, but here are several so you understand us old men and, perhaps, prevent gory senior abuse.

Vanity grows as you age. It’s not just proliferating goatees to conceal neck wattles or faltering comb-overs that draw eyes to baldness. We look great.

Wardrobe is another indicator. I own 15 pairs of jeans, some unused khakis and a once-a-year, 1940s-style suit I wore onstage. The jeans aren’t just for comfort and easy selection. They’re casual, hip and youthful and can even be worn at baptisms and weddings.

My jeans are the same 36-x-32s they were a decade ago. Truly. Although my belt has slid downward until it’s invisible to my eyes. But my jean size hasn’t changed!

I’m still a great driver. No tickets or crashes in decades. But old guys consider traffic a challenge of nature. If you ride along, recognize we’re OK being boulders to disrupt the floodgates.

But I ramble, as usual. No one is vainer than an old man. Maybe this helps.