A vast audience awaited. They were shuffling, coughing, moaning, twitching. I hadn’t expected to be the star. I didn’t have a talk – or anything – prepared.
Then they mispronounced my name (Toth rhymes with both). They applauded and sat back, their work done – and then I woke up.
I’ve had some form of the academic anxiety dream all my life. It used to be the end of the semester, and I discovered I was registered for a class I’d never attended.
Then I became the teacher who’d never gone to a class I was supposed to teach. Sometimes it was in Hungarian. Often I had egg on my face. Scrambled.
Every good student has those dreams. We’re all anxious nerds.
But now I’m teaching via Zoom and haven’t had the dream since the pandemic started. I’m so anxious about technology that I don’t have mental space for any other embarrassments.
Maybe my inner nerd is lurking like a virus, waiting to spring. Or maybe Covid has cured my fear of public speaking.
I would much rather have egg on my face.
