I am an American of Irish/English descent. In 1765 my English ancestors were rudely stripped of their titles, castles, land, chattel, civil rights and money by the repressive Crown.
My family were religious dissenters and spoke ill of the monarchy. They were branded traitors under the oppressive regime of King George III.
My Irish/English ancestors were ultimately deported to the New World after having been dispossessed and indentured into servitude.
In America they arrived impoverished and were seen as unemployable rabble. They suffered harsh conditions, and many died of malnutrition, exposure and physical abuse. Especially the Irish. They were branded a “wretched race.”
I demand reparations from England for the mistreatment my family endured. I, my children and grandchildren should each be awarded $15 million annually for life.
I should also receive a 1,000-acre estate with a 300-room castle in Vermont. And I want my rightful title, “Thegn of Crane’s Fjord,” restored. Diplomatic obstacles notwithstanding.
Reparations are a hot social topic today, and I need to get in line while the getting is good.
Reparations for everyone makes good sense.
More from 30-Second Read
Can’t we be nice to each other?
How to turn red lights instantly green
