Curses for you, Mary Anderson. Your windshield wiper has nurtured more cussing than any other invention not intended as a weapon – including this week in my driveway.
You deserve congratulations, Mary, for getting the first U.S. patent (No. 743,801, in 1903) for windshield wipers. I’m grateful for their utility. They save lives.
But Mary! Wipers as they’ve come down to us surely were designed, first, to confuse, befuddle, frustrate, irritate and anger. Because, as suffering millions know, only after imposing their misery will today’s wipers wipe.
Difficulties start in the auto-parts store. It has wipers in more brands, models and lengths than a thunderstorm has raindrops.
But shopping is only misery’s prelude.
Ever try to remove an old wiper from your car? Won’t happen without cussing.
Or open a new wiper’s package? Out tumble 1) the wiper, 2) several other, plastic shapes of mysterious purpose, 3) indecipherable instructions, 4) loads more cusswords, and 5) blood from a cut thumb.
Now install that wiper. Yep, more cussing.
So, Mary. I appreciate your ingenuity. But I’d rather rassle a petulant skunk. Curses.
