I ran to get here today and am So! Out! Of! Breath! Because I know you’ve been worried.
Relax!
I survived the wedding.
You know, that smashup last weekend for billionaire Amazon founder Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sánchez.
It was so big! It definitely obliterated the week’s other really big news – that our government bombed another country.
It also was luv-uh-lee. Held in Venice, that understated wedding barn in Italy. With boats and balls and 200 A-list celebrity guests (yay Kardashians!).
And photographers, so many photographers, to record every cheek peck and side eye. It’s how British royals and American plutocrats do weddings.
I tell you, this doo put the chic in shabby, prenup included!
Before you ask: No, I didn’t attend. The U.S. Postal Service lost my invitation (hello, Amazon delivery!).
Thank goodness. My weekend was jammed. I had to clip my nails, of course. And turn the contents of my compost heap.
I did send a gift – from the biggest wedding registry in history!
An “Amazon Choice” 280 pack of 2-inch paperclips, 892 reviews, just $5.99.
Delivered today!
Dear Jeff,
Hey, my name is Jeff too (2)? Just wanted to say thanks for the thoughtful gift. I’m sure someone will use it!
Your Pal,
Jeff
PS…Lauren says hi!
Ah, hugs and kisses!
Was that Oprah getting in first? Now, that totally puts me off my feed. A whole flotilla of Klown Kars. JFC.
Yes, Oprah was there. She didn’t invite you as her plus-one?