In a nation absorbed with political strife, with increased inequality, environmental mayhem, unreachable homeownership and totalitarian threats, I call your attention to the cheeseburger.
Yes, to yet another overbearing crisis.
Look, I’m a Nebraskan, where millions of cattle create more than $10 billion in annual revenue. We’re home to Omaha Steaks, the nation’s largest direct-response marketer. Nebraska’s meatpacking industry, when not besieged by ICE, is the nation’s largest.
So, I know cheeseburgers. Yet I rarely find one worth eating.
National chains are the worst. They all must get their hamburger from Cardboard Beef Byproducts Inc. of Waco, Texas.
It’s only at locally owned joints where you can get a cheeseburger that won’t make you projectile vomit. And most serve it how you want. Burnt hockey puck? Uh, OK, sure. Undercooked and mealy? Hey, if you’ll risk the poisoning, then bring it on.
You can gussy up a cheeseburger with extras and condiments. My favorite is medium-rare with tomato and mayonnaise. But you can go to town if you want.
Our republic will always be stronger with sound effects and mayonnaise.
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Nice to see the homage to former college journalist and proud Southern Miss frat boy Jimmy Buffett. I don’t eat cheeseburgers made with beef, but I support your logic.
Save the mayo for your grilled cheese or tuna melt … with burgers, it’s ketchup all the way!!