“Experts” such as advice columnists, therapists, pastors and lifestyle bloggers counsel couples to talk before marriage – about money, sex, kids, household chores, basic values.
You know, all the stuff that sinks marriages.
Yes, the quotation marks around “experts” signal scorn. Because those schlubs ignore the biggest source of marriage conflict ever known.
Pizza toppings.
“There’s leftover pizza in a box in the fridge,” my wife said. “You could have it for lunch.”
“Yours from our lunch out?” I asked. “With artichoke hearts?”
“Yep.”
“Nope!”
Artichoke hearts qualify as food only because eating them won’t kill you. They look weird, squish in the mouth like ’possum guts and taste like phlegm.
On pizza? A desecration. A crime.
Righteous pizza lovers have a better option: pineapple. It’s sweet and tart, and it delivers a bracing contrast to pizza’s otherwise salty and spicy taste tones.
On pizza? A blessing.
Alas, my spouse won’t abide pineapple on pizza. She withheld that information during courtship and premarital counseling – an appalling deceit.
So, besotted, doe-eyed couples. Talk now.
Now!
Don’t bumble into a pineapple-less pizza mismatch.
Outta the park with this one, Jeff! So funny.
Thank you, Darlene.
An appropriate topic for the season: pineapple pizza is scary!
Suzanne, you’re knocking me down here! My wife is getting way more support for artichokes than I am for pineapple.