How to Eat Peanut M&M's

The author’s friend Stan Myers prompted today’s essay with his question: How do you eat Peanut M&M’s – by lifting them into your mouth one at a time with fingers or in bunches from the palm of a hand?

Trillions of how-to web pages and videos tell how to make, fix or master all manner of things – except the most important thing.

How to eat Peanut M&M’s.

Today we fill that hole in the internet. Here goes.

Screw the yellow cap off a 62-ounce jug of Peanut M&M’s. Then, with fingers, claw off the vacuum-sealed paper underneath.

As the paper lifts, lower your head to the jug’s neck. With mouth open, inhale to tease your sinuses and drench your tongue and throat with the fragrance of milk chocolate. Tip your head back and sigh.

Gaze upon the M&M’s in the jug. Look for the plumpest visible candy, ignoring color (all are highly nutritious). Reach with one hand for the chosen candy. Squeeze the orb between a thumb and two fingers. Remove your hand.

Roll the lone M&M in your fingers, caressing its smooth hardness.

Lift your hand and place the candy in your mouth. Hold the M&M there, sucking off the chocolate, eyes closed, resisting the urge to crunch.

When the chocolate is gone, chew.

Repeat. Repeat a lot.