I don’t know how many peanut M&M’s I’ve crunched in decades of peanut M&M crunching. A hundred thousand seems possible.

We’ll get to the math. First, know this: the same peanut M&M’s that I once described in writing as “ambrosia for human mortals” have betrayed me.

Cue foreboding music.

Now the math. I buy M&M’s in 42-ounce bags, so I googled “how many peanut m&m’s in 42-ounce bag?” The answer: “500 to 510 pieces.” I figured – conservatively – that I’ve consumed 200 bags. Multiplication yielded 100,000 individual candies.

Cue frilly music.

And now comes betrayal.

Last month, after eating lunch in my office, I snagged a palmful of peanut M&M’s from my specially built M&M dispenser. It sits just out of reach so I must stand and walk – a mostly ineffective hindrance to overindulgence. I chomped a few.

I then tossed a single blue M&M into my mouth, pressed it to one side and – crushed it. But instead of the gentle crackle I’d experienced 99,999 times before, I felt … c-r-a-c-k!

Cue villain music.

Said the dentist: that molar must out.

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