Martien Tuithof began collecting shoehorns in 1977, starting with just three. By the end, he had amassed 1,594.

I learned all that before opening Wikipedia, where the shoehorn entry says Queen Elizabeth I of England bought 22 in the 1560s. Behold the queen! Her crown!! Her shoehorns!!!

Yet Wikipedia devotes only 750 words to “Shoehorn,” a third of them about the word as a verb meaning “to coerce” – and only one sentence of 17 words to Tuithof’s quirky obsession.

There is purpose to these ramblings. I wrote in December how I’d broken a 45-year-old shoehorn from a long-closed clothing store, Dracobly’s.

The store’s retired owner, Fred “Junior” Dracobly, invoked a lifetime warranty I didn’t know I had to send a replacement, and my wife gave me another – both for Christmas.

So, I lost one shoehorn and gained two. You’ve shown the way, Mr. Tuithof.

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Socks and Shoes

A Broken Memory

Now Comes Catastrophe

A Taunting Flash of Crimson

Professor Socks Schools the Rube

Of Armpits, Socks and Wombats

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A Lesson with Shoes