God here with an update to the Ten Commandments.
I so appreciate Louisiana’s decision to hang My timeless moral rules in public classrooms next year.
But lots has changed since I dictated them to Moses all those millennia ago – and since England’s King James I had them translated and improved 400 years ago.
They’re timeless no more. Time for changes.
So, Louisiana. Please display these revised commandments. Thanks for your help!
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
1. Have no gods except Me – and mega pop stars and big-haired, authoritarian felons.
2. Worship no idols – except Confederate statues and flags.
3. Avoid swearing with My name – except when driving.
4. Keep the sabbath holy. Save it for church, shopping and football.
5. Honor your parents.
6. Don’t kill most people. Exceptions: political opponents and anyone on Fifth Avenue, New York.
7. Don’t cheat on spouses. Waivers for megachurch preachers and big-haired, authoritarian felons.
8. Steal only secret government documents and the children of detained immigrants.
9. Stick to your lies until they sound true.
10. Grab what you can of other people’s stuff.
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This is just fabulous. And the students would appreciate them!