“Jared? Meadows here.”

“Yeah, Mark.”

“I need a Bible. Got one?”

“N-o-o-o. Ivanka and I have a Hebrew Bible at home, but not here in the West Wing.”

“Damn. I need a Christian Bible. Now. No, like 10 minutes ago!”

“Why?”

“POTUS wants one.”

“What’s up?”

“POTUS told his security detail he’s gonna walk to that Episcopal church. What is it? St. John’s?”

“Yeah. When?”

“After delivering the Rose Garden remarks you wrote. He’ll announce his law-and-order invasion of the states, then show strength with a photo op holding up a Bible in front of the church. Like whistling for his base voters.”

“Lafayette Square’s full of people.”

“I know. POTUS says they’re antifa. He’s ordered military police to clear ’em out. Lots of good smash and boom for cable TV.”

“Did you ask the veep?”

“Pence is out, and his staff wouldn’t open his desk drawers. So no joy from our holy roller.”

“Mark, tell you what. A dictionary. I’ll get McEnany to dress one up as a Bible.”

“You’re a lifesaver. ‘Thanks’ to Kayleigh. See you in 10.”

Correction: Lafayette Square was named incorrectly as Lafayette Park when this essay was first published.