To All Beings Everywhere

INTERGALACTIC EXECUTIVE ORDER

FROM: United Council of Galaxies

TO: All Beings Everywhere

RE: All Things “America”

Whereas a president on planet Earth is naming things “America” (see Lake America, Gulf of America);

Whereas changing one name each year causes confusion, stirs conflict and confounds Google Maps;

Whereas name changes appear likely to continue due to the president’s intergalactic-sized ego;

We order that all things immediately be named “America,” to include:

Lakes, oceans, seas, rivers, streams, creeks, bayous, puddles.
Mountains, ridges, hills, hillocks, mounds, mole hills.
Highways, roads, paths, utility poles, crosswalks, traffic cones, potholes.
Parks, driveways, yards, patios, doghouses, dumpsters.
Houses, mobile homes, sheds, yurts, porta-potties.
The sun and planets, including Earth and its moon, and asteroids, comets, space junk, Starlink.
Clouds, wind, icicles, rainbows, raindrops.
Dryer lint, dust bunnies, fairy dust.
Roadkill.
And boogers.

Also, Mar-a-Lago shall be named “Merde-America.”

And, in acknowledgement of the president’s self-importance, the Milky Way shall be named “Frump” and the universe shall be rebranded as “Frump À La Mode.”

For the United Council of Galaxies,