Oh, my golly, do we have a treat for you today. We’ll unveil the latest in the “Craven Idols” series glorifying very important people
Just weeks ago, the world gasped when the “Don Colossus” statue was erected at a Miami golf course. It depicted our president in a 15-foot-tall, gold-leafed extravagance mounted on a 7-foot pedestal.
“Crypto bros” commissioned the $450,000 statue, according to news reports, and repeatedly insisted that the artist make the figure skinnier.
Its unveiling averted a global disaster: the possibility that even an hour might pass when all eyes weren’t focused on the president.
Now we’re excited to bring you another craven idol.
“Don(’t) Embarrass.”
It’s a statue of …
Well …
This is embarrassing …
Me.
The newer statue stands 27/8 inches high atop a 11/4-inch pedestal. It’s made from three twisty ties, a photo cut from paper, and two strips of Scotch tape. For the pedestal, we repurposed an aluminum razor holder.
A “word bro” commissioned and erected “Don(’t) Embarrass” on my kitchen table.
Total cost: under 2 cents.
And twisties are naturally skinny!
Isn’t it magnificent?
Your statue is more attractive, and in much better taste. Thanks for the essay, and the opportunity to laugh at the garish pretensions of our brand new “Gilded Age” and its ignominious figurehead.
Thank you.
But you need gold paint!
We were aiming for quick and cheap.