In a properly aligned universe, pockets would never change. Alas, the universe is seriously out of whack.

You see, each pocket has a fixed purpose. In pants, the right-front pocket is for keys, the right-rear for hanky, the left-rear for wallet and the left-front for potpourri such as a phone or the occasional coin.

And, in a men’s dress shirt, the lone front pocket is for pens and a virus mask.

Everyone knows this stuff. Right?

Wrong. Clothing designers have taken us to a dark place. The universe won’t be happy.

I am not happy.

I bought two dress shirts this week for work, and they have no pocket. They have no pocket!

I discovered this catastrophe only after donning the shirts and trying to slide a mask into … nothing.

Humbug.

Please sit before reading the next sentence, to prevent injury from shock and fall.

Left no other option, I folded my virus mask into the potpourri pocket of my pants.

Good golly. Masks. Are. Not. Potpourri.

Humanity faces so many calamities. And now this one, the Pocket Apocalypse.

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30-Second Read does clothes

Of old friends and old shirts

Zipper, open for business

A taunting flash of crimson

Professor Socks schools the rube

Zoom fake

Necktie fashionistas can sue me

Fall’s language is flannel

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A shocking, disturbing video